I feel like I have the mother of all hangovers, which, I suppose makes sense as I have been repeatedly poisoned. The last three days have consisted of on and off consciousness, headaches and (when I am awake) as many distraction techniques as I can invent. Being so tired is simply something to give into at the moment and let my body and the treatment do its thing; just hope the tumours feel as bad as I do. It is a bad habit to get into but the more time you spend asleep the less point there seems to be in getting dressed especially into anything other than comfies. This in itself makes you feel more and more like a "sick person"; no matter how pretty the pyjamas! But getting dressed almost seems like a waste of precious energy!
We spent the first couple of days at my parents so we could convalesce there before heading back to the barn yesterday. On arrival all I wanted was a drink and a lie down, and I hadn't even been the one driving, in fact I was exhausted from sleeping in the car! However it appears that our power had been turned off and left off for a considerable amount of time so in fact one the first jobs was to bin a whole load of non very unfrozen goods from fridge and freezer alike. My husband then had to go out to restock; no what we needed but in the scheme of things a small annoyance and since once again I slept through it I can't really complain!
Now we are back here I find myself ever more drawn to my to do list, desperate as I am to achieve and be worth something. I have to be careful not to push to hard, this first week I in fact become weaker as the chemo takes full effect and my resistance falls to it's lowest this coming weekend. Somehow I have to find the balance of splitting all these jobs into small, small chunks of about twenty minutes and completing them with some shut eye in-between. For example, today I have did some weeding, watched our social media accounts, taken a small trip to the shop and designed a flyer outline.
Whilst this small amount is frustrating it is the most efficient way; I know from past experience that a burnout will only create the need to rest for longer. Now I have written this little update I can return to curling up with Toastie on the sofa until charged for my next twenty minutes of energy. While I close my eyes i will be planning and rehearsing to make the most of anything I do. Life is short and there is so much to do!!