Thank you for visiting, I hope you will find this blog of my journey both interesting and inspiring.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Paying our respects

Morning to you all,

Firstly I have been taken a back by the volume of readers absorbing Vicky's beautifully written account of her journey. I'm sure you will agree that our Vicky possessed a fine talent for describing her experiences in a way that sparks our imagination into action. I hope that you are each taking what you need from Vicky's journey whether it be hope, strength, inspiration or whatever fits with you right now. While we are each on our own personal journey's please continue to share Vicky's story as making a difference to others is the legacy she truly deserves.

Vicky and I often talked of mindfulness and found it a useful approach both in the times when light was shining upon our days and when the darkness threatened to cast it's shadow. Our ethos of 'living in the moment' can take you on an adventurous journey full of rich experiences, so when you're ready, in your minds eye, pack what you need and give it a test drive! Being mindful (awareness of the now) possesses such a powerful freedom that we found you can laugh that bit louder, relax that little deeper and reflect in a clearer way. It's an art form that requires practice though my friends, starting with being aware of your surroundings; the noises around you, the colours you can see, what shapes are forming, how do you feel physically, what emotions are flowing through you right now and where in your body are they? This can sound rather 'hippy-esque' yet who doesn't like relaxation? It's yours to do with what you wish!

I feel I digress slightly as I wanted to update you on the past week. It's dark. The world as I know it has a sense of devastation; my girl, my partner in crime, has gone from the physical world and while I chat frequently with her I miss her in an indescribable way. I chat with Vicky frequently, like some crazy man, and I find a sense of peace in the connection I feel as though she is listening beside me. Yet through this devastation I must begin to look at the debris and form plans, if not lay the bricks right now, as to what I can use to build the foundations of this new chapter upon. I have poured through thousands of photographs over the past few days and one thing is for sure we racked up some amazing memories. What we managed to see, feel, learn, taste, smell, hear and create in our time together is nothing short of remarkable; forgive me if that sounds a little arrogant but we worked hard in achieving as much as possible!

The past week has been full of organising Vicky's memorial service with her family, particularly her Mum and Sister. I have grown to care a great deal for Vicky's family and they have very much taken me in as one of their own, for which I am very grateful. I also won't lie, if they hadn't Vicky would be down on them like a ton of bricks but no such measures were necessary! ;) Seeing those you care about struggling with sadness is hard yet we are connected in a level of emotions that many, it seems, can't quite understand; it's certainly a roller coaster where one moment it feels like the hulk will burst out of me in utter rage only to then oscillate to having a chuckle at an Aladdin song being sung or a warm feeling fired by a happy memory of Vicky. Together we are stronger.

I went back home on Monday, me and Toast (Vicky's 'boyses'). I wasn't sure what I was expecting but it was a challenge. The organising for medical equipment to be collected, the attempts at sorting furniture, buying a suit for the service, looking through pictures, writing a tribute for the media and finding words for Vicky's eulogy amongst what feels like a whirlwind of a week. Yet our home, yes Vicky's, mine and Toast's home felt peaceful and warm. I must do all I can to keep it, Vicky is with me I can feel her beside me at times but we created this home together and it's so us!

It's Sunday morning and i'm curled on the sofa at Vicky's family home with Toast and Lolly dogs upside down around me. I'm thinking of the next few days, in particular Tuesday the 29th January at 13:30 which is when Vicky's service will be held. As you know Vicky and those close to her passionately encourage support for the University of Michigan in their research into a cure for Adrenal Cortical Cancer. For those of you that would like to make a gesture in Vicky's memory then we warmly welcome donations to be made on the following link: http://www.imagineit.org.uk/#/acc-sponsorship/4569195532.

Alternatively, floral tributes of any style would be embraced and can be sent to
Watkins & Stafford Funeral Service, Fitzwilliam Street, Peterborough, PE1 2RX.

At a time such as this people often want to 'do' something so I thought it best to put this out there for those 'do-ers'!

I am so proud of the life you created Vicky and the amazing legacy you have achieved so far. This is only the beginning.

In the coming weeks I will be drawing together our adventures from late last year including our time in Rome and Christmas 2012.

Live passionately,
Fynn x


  1. Fynn, not that I've seen you in person these last two weeks, but you've dealt so strongly and amazingly with vickys passing, as have her family.
    Vicky is still beside you and within you, as she is everyone she loved and who loved her, she will always continue in those memories. I'm pretty sure that if I were to lose someone as close to me as V was to you, I would talk to them too, so you talk away, she's listening.
    The rain has washed away the snow here, so if it's kindly done the same down the a1, we'll see you Tuesday. Until then, much love. Xx

  2. Thoughts are with yourself & everyone who was close to Vicky. I started work for One railway the same time as her in her training group and she was always a very pleasant and happy person. Total shock reading your piece in the Evening News and felt I had to read this blog. Rest peacefully you brave, inspiring person. Gareth x

    To live in hearts we leave behind
    Is not to die.
    ~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"