A small reflection

Its 6 30 am boxing day when I am woken by nearly falling out of bed when making room for my husband's imaginary baby son Jack by an ex girlfriend - he, D not jack, caught me but now am awake it will stay that way until I am too tired to do anything but sleep again - or am drugged (yes I am jumping ahead and I promise to go back and catch up all on the exciting things that have gone on in the last months but I just wanted to share a small revelation).

I do not rest. Ever.

Even now the most relaxed day of our cultural year, when all the Christmas mania over and the world is resting I can not and do not. I was up for a hour or so with the dogs, D and ma; had a cup of tea and a chat before us all attempting to return to bed for extra rest time. I read a little of a book to D before he dozed. It is a book I have been banging on about to various people for sometime: Guns, Germs and Steel.  The book was on a university reading list many moons ago and basically addresses the question of why cultures developed differently in different places. To me, why are people are the same but different. Obviously its more complex than that but it is well written and easy to read for the non-historian. Without the waffle I like it.

My thought being now at 10 04 as D dozes on my chest and my family in various rooms around the house presumably do something similar is I am not. I don't actually mind, I have always been this way and it might be interrelated to my adrenal explosion because I never have acquired the ability to remain still. Even wired to a hospital bed semi-paralysed by a huge operation or now lying with my dozing husband; my body and spirit still and calm my mind continues to whir like a spinning top. Good or bad it maintains an almost constant spin.

The book's contents, what to do in coming weeks, selling clothes on ebay... my life ...my mind continues to whir, I think, I do not stay still and I do not rest. Even now my mind has moved far past the point but I think I may have found it. It is as important to stop as well as to go. Do as much as you can in this life however long or short but don't forget to stop and enjoy it once in a while or what is the point? Sometimes I'm so busy I forget that. So as well as considering my new years dietary challenge of being pescatarian for a month, from now on I intend to learn to still my mind so I can absorb and store all I do for when I can do no more.

The picture I leave you with illustrates this point perfectly. Taken in the summer lying on the lawn I noticed a baby mouse very close to me in the grass. Had I not been still I never would have seen it.

Be still.